After passing by many Twilight shirts, witnessing obsessions being developed, I predicted one thing:
That this movie was most likely no different than a regular teen romance movie. The only difference would be that vampires were involved. Boy, was I right! After weeks and weeks of walking among the land fo Twilight fans, (aka stupid American girls) and having to participate in this conversation over and over again:
Stupid girl: Have you seen Twilight yet?
Me: No.
SG: Well, you need to! It is sooooooo addicting. It's sooooo good. You would like it!
Me: Really, I would like it?
SG: Yes! It's one of my favorite movies! I couldn't put the books down either.
I knew that this film was going to be terrible before even watching it. Why? Observing the fanbase. I can say this with confidence, as not only have I been observing those around me, but also from the perscpective of a video rental store employee. Here's the thing. The Twilight fanbase mostly consists of: Middle-aged women who want to be young-seeming and fit in, preteen girls who live at Hot Topic, and the 18-20 yr old females who like to think they have a dark side but still shop at Abercrombie and carry themselves like braindead whores.
Anyway, one day I decided that too many people were randomly asking me what I thought of Twilight at this video rental store I worked at. I needed to form an opinion of this film, a fair one. This would involve me seeing the movie. It wasn't respectable to be rolling my eyes at these Twilight fans when I hadn't even seen the movie. Now, I will admit upfront that I did not finish it as it was too excruciatingly terrible. However, I only had about 30 minutes left. These criticisms will not be spoilers to those of you who plan to watch Twilight.
Edward reading everybody but Bella's thoughts - Okay, let's be honest with each other here. This is a very overused theme in vampire books and movies. Vampire boy meets girl. Vampire boy cannot read girl's thoughts. Vampire boy is intrigued and falls in love. I can think of the last book this was stolen from: 'The Southern Vampire Mysteries', aka the series 'True Blood' was based upon. Come on now.
Vampire vegetarians - WTF?
Weak special effects - Vampires in this movie are able to move very quickly, almost as if they are 'flashing' by. This effect is not on cheesy , it is incredibly overused and also in many vampire movies.
Chick flick - I am not fond of chick flicks. This is no different from any other high school romance film. You have the same cliches: Social groups, love story. Love story: Boy meets girl. They fall in love. Oh!, but something goes wrong within their relationship and they spend some time apart, only to find that they cannot live without each other. There is very little room for creativity, and even the addition of vampires don't make 'Twilight' any more bearable.
Sub-par acting - For all the hype this movie has created, the acting is surprisingly unfulfilling. Maybe this is because the dialogue in the screenplay just sucks. They are trying to portray Edward as mysterious, when really he comes off as nothing of the sort. His performance is quite weak. Edward just seems like the type you could easily push over. Bill In the 'True Blood' series does a far better job of coming across as genuinely vampiric and mysterious. Bella, on the other hand, doesn't have lines that are diverse enough to even stand a chance.
So ladies, please do me a favor and next time you tell somebody that you love Twilight,
think about the reasons why you like the film. Think of logical reasons.
And men: Next time you see an attractive female sporting a Twilight shirt, strike up conversation and after a few days of speaking to her, convince the girl that you are, in fact, 137 years old. You will definitely be getting laid.
